2 week check in/ renewing my vows

Two weeks ago I made some promises to myself. For the first 6 of the last 14 days I kept my contract with myself- I stuck to my healthy foods list, I exercised 4 times for at least 30 minutes, and I was feeling pretty good by the weekend. However, on Saturday (day 7) I went to a barbecue and just...started up again. Specifically, I started by 'just' drinking beers but sticking to low carb foods (burger with no bun, spinach salad no pasta salad etc) but by the end of the night I was eating potato chips and sugar cookies.

The rest of the following week (this past week) was back to the cycle of 'saying' I was eating healthy foods in the morning and dumping my plans by the afternoon. My very good friend is moving back to Massachusetts and we had a final goodbye on Friday- we hung out in my neighborhood, walked to the beach and watched dolphins jumping out of the ocean while the sun set, and had great conversations. That picture above was taken Friday around 8pm. The beach is a 4 minute walk from my apartment and I rarely go down there because I've been in a rut and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. That makes me sad to write it and admit it, but I have to work this out and face it rather than ignore it and eat/drink away my nights.

Today is day ONE again. Like many wise twelve-steppers before me, I have to take things one day at a time. These are the basics that will help me live longer and allow me to enjoy my life:

1) whole, healthy, foods- oils, nuts, all types of protein, veggies, occasional fruit

2) exercise AT LEAST four times weekly

Specifically, I'm adding FOOD TRACKING to my must-do list. If I have time to play 17 games of Candy Crush I have time to use myfitnesspal. When I've been successful in the past, recording my food daily and having the opportunity to look back on my food history has been an integral part of my weight loss. Tracking keeps me mindful, and it fits with a side of my personality that craves accountability. At work even when I 'know' I've made lots of sales or had a good week/month, I am truly motivated by seeing our weekly sales reports; that kind of reinforcement makes me feel good about myself and it makes me want to work even harder. I was also the kid in school who couldn't WAIT to get my report card- huge nerd, I know.

The other new wrinkle is that I will be taking a break from the sauce. The random Tuesday night bottle and a half of wine leads to Wednesday morning scones from Starbucks. A string of days like that leads to full-on nutrition disaster, tight pants, and a shame spiral that is increasingly difficult to lift myself out of. I've got lots to look forward to this year and next year, and I want to fully experience and enjoy all of it without regret, shame, and discomfort.

I'll be posting more this week, and again I am so thankful for this blogging community. Have a great week, everyone.

simple things

Sunday I posted after not posting since May 5. I put those 'dark' weeks behind me, and I so I'm here to report I'm moving in the right direction. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who stopped by or commented; it really does mean a lot.

So...what did I do differently?

I added a contract to my fridge near a calendar I use to manually log workouts. I promised myself that I would eat healthy food and move my body more and I signed my name. Specifically, I'm challenging myself to 4-6 workouts per week of at least 30 minutes per session. On the calendar I mark 'HF' after a full day of staying with my eating plan, and when I work out I log the minutes.

Sunday I went to the gym for 45 minutes, and tonight I did 35 minutes of cardio with the Kinect.

Monday I returned to no sugar/no grains and today is day two of clean eating/ or 'HF'.

I will sleep well tonight, and I'll get up and start over again tomorrow.

YUP!

In the style of, well, ME, I went off the rails after achieving a little bit of a goal (30 lbs). Sometime after May 5th I abandoned my cleaner eating low-carb plan and started puffing up, feeling tired, gaining weight. I got angry at myself but not angry enough to right the ship, and I would conservatively estimate that I've put back 10-15 lbs in the last 6 weeks or so.

I am staying away from the scale for another month while I do my own version of a whole 30-
tomorrow I will return to a lower carb, no-sugar, no-grains plan that works for me. After I get through a month of 'resetting' (or whatever buzzword you like), I'll get back to weekly weigh-ins. My husband has requested that we don't go 'full Atkins' so I'm going to make cleaner choices and reduce cheese and dairy this time. I may also buy whole fruits but for the first few days I will likely stay away from sweet tastes altogether.

If I lived in Canada I would probably sign up with poonapalooza's doctor from the beginning of her weight loss journey, but for now I will use my personal experience as well as the magical World Wide Web to cobble together my plan. Other blogs and sites that I will draw from include: primaljourney,  mark's daily apple, the paleo diet website, and the food rules from the Whole30. Plus all of your blogs, which I've been avoiding because my face has been buried in a bag of pita chips.

Here are some things that I will keep front and center:

Today is June 16. I haven't been on a plane since December 2011 and part of the reason why I didn't travel back to Massachusetts last year is because I'm too big to fly comfortably (or even mildly uncomfortably). I am going home for Christmas this year and I refuse to let my weight get in the way. I don't expect to drop 100 in 6 months, but I can lose 60 lbs.

Adam and I plan to go back to Vegas for a night at the end of September. When we went for his 40th we were both down almost 25 lbs and feeling 'good' but there is no way we're going to feel good heading back there heavier than we were in March. No. Nope. No. (no).

I'm getting older. I'm feeling older. I want to start moving more and I want to feel good about it. I want to feel younger.


Thanks to everyone who reads this blog; I am going the distance. Fuck these last six weeks. Fuck 'em.