Oh Hey There, Lowest Weight since April 2014...

Packing a suitcase for Christmas in Massachusetts was made immensely better due
to the fact that I'm legitimately on a great streak and almost everything in my closet FITS. Specifically, between Dec 1 and Dec 15 I lost another 8 lbs...8 lbs in 15 days! I now have pretty decent evidence to support that I lost more than two lbs between the time I restarted on Nov 7 and Dec 1- the net loss of two was based on August weight but I have a feeling I lost 10-12 lbs last month. Or, the weigh in on the 15th was the 'whoosh' of fat loss I had coming to me.

Either way, it's happening and I credit both the semi-regular workouts and 40 days of myfitnesspal logging as the biggest contributors. I still have a few high calorie days, but most are around the 2000 mark and some are nicely under that when you factor in the exercise burn.

Not feeling super inspired to write a bunch tonight, but I'll end with a pic of our cat from last Christmas:

Pigeon's Santa Suit is a Little Snug

PS- 8 lbs in 15 days!!

2016 Prediction: It will be a long, hard year...

..and it will be worth every second.

For those of you out there who haven't noticed that this blog goes back over three years now, well it does. I bring this up not to entice you to read the archives (not worth it), but because as I mentioned a few weeks ago, everything counts; it all matters. Right now I'm wrestling with the fact that the close of 2015 will mark four years of Failure...and yet, here I am. At this point I'm so used to staying fat that I can look back and dispassionately analyze my patterns- I tend to start out the January-March window losing 20-30 lbs and then I allow a happy trip, a Summer visitor, mild depression, or a host of other excuses to derail my progress. I've been known to get serious in August, but I think that this is the first year I've ever gotten back on track in the month of November and stayed with it into mid-December. It feels different, and I'm writing tonight because I want to take hold permanently. I am passionately willing 2016 to be the year.

What will it look like/feel like/be like to lose many pounds again? I have done it before, but it's been a minute. The first time was between 1996-1998 in college when I went from 305 to 200, and then between 2004-2006 when I reduced to 240 from 300.  I've spent almost my whole life being fat; it's just my reality. In high school I was a round-faced cherub rocking the Catholic school skirt that had 14 pleats around it to the 'normal' girl's 8.  In junior high I started shopping at men's clothing stores like Chess King so I could find tops that fit me and seemed even remotely 'cool' (this was the early 90s, so picture mustard colored silky dress shirts a la Heavy D; not a good look). I distinctly remember the shame of being weighed in kindergarten at 82 lbs. Then there was the day my grandmother brought me to her dressmaker when I was eight and they went on and on about the fact that my waist at 29 inches was the same circumference as one of my tall, full-grown aunts. The horror.

I've never been under 200 lbs as an adult woman and while I'm fully functional at present, I want to experience the type of comfort and confidence I've had in only fleeting moments. To answer my own question, dropping over a hundred pounds will be amazing. It's never too late, and I'm ready.

No Time Like the Present, Indeed.

Above is the highly sophisticated tracker I've affixed to my fridge using some sweet magnets. The idea is to make me super accountable during 'fuck it' season, and I'm pretty happy with the fact that my stick-to-it-ive-ness is alive and kicking.

The system is thus: a check mark means I tracked on MFP, and a star means I worked out. The cluster of stars this past Wednesday is there because I did an all-day Disneyland trip with my co-workers that involved probably 9 miles of walking and 10+ hours of standing. I've been 'recovering' since, but I plan to work out today (Saturday) to finish out the week. After today there will be 25 more days left in 2015.

My lowest weight this year was 339 and I am three lbs away from there right now. Because I knew I gained a good amount since mid-August - tight/can't wear anymore jeans, face puffier than typical, etc- I didn't weigh myself when I first started up again in earnest a month ago. Paaaaart of me regrets that decision; when I got on the scale on Dec 1st earlier this week, my new weight of 342 was immensely underwhelming in the face of all my recent workouts and a decidedly non-indulgent Thanksgiving. However, I also didn't want to track another gain. Getting to tell MyFitnessPal that I've lost two lbs since my last weigh in did not suck, and I FEEL GOOD. My face, hair, skin, muscles, teeth- everything looks/feels better when I'm eating low carb. Here's a selfie from yesterday:

Not sure I've felt this optimistic about being on the right path in a long time. Eat, track, workout, repeat. I'm going to end this year merrier than a pile of warm, frosted cookies.

All Turkey's Eve

artwork by My Mom

Logged into myfitnesspal 19 days in a row. Worked out today, worked out Monday. Tonight I felt the slickness of the slippery slope under my feet and I'm writing to shake it off because I LIKE HOW THIS FEELS AND I HAVE A PLAN DAMNIT.

So today...I had cottage cheese and coffee breakfast, cucumber salad and half a chicken for lunch ( I dipped some pieces in sweet and sour sauce; it was Thai takeout at work), but then my happy hour wings weren't enough for a satisfying dinner. So instead of a cobb salad I ordered a cute lil' tureen of French Onion; that relatively carby soup involving croutons. Hmph. Later on (and 4-5 glasses of Cab later) I made a little keto plate at home of a piece of leftover bacon, a chunk of Danish Blue Cheese and about 12 blackberries. I am now no longer hungry and because myfitnesspal awards me #allthecalories for my workouts it says I'm under my calorie goal. Ha to that, but also yay for not going off into the holiday weekend abyss.

What's the plan damnit, then? My plan is to have a nice Thanksgiving with the family and take down a plate of all the things for dinner but stay very low carb for breakfast, snacks, and all other meals. I'll probably bring some 90% dark chocolate along with me, but other than that my in-laws always have a good assortment of whole foods I can eat on keto -and in fact they encourage the low carb thing which is great. It's really all about me.

In NSV news, before happy hour tonight I tried on a 'bottom drawer of shame' pair of jeans and wouldn't you know it- they fit. The last two 2.5 weeks of working out and eating like a person with self esteem is starting to pay off. There are still almost 5 weeks left in the year and I'm looking forward to getting into more of my wardrobe, and I really can't wait to see my kneecaps, shoulders, and ankles come back from hiding. 

I guess another reason I'm writing is just to say that every day counts. Every one of these last 19 days, even the Saturday I ate 3338 calories, meant something. Each day logged contributed to me feeling better about myself tonight, fitting into those jeans earlier, and getting me to this point where I'm blogging twice in a week and feeling very optimistic again.

Finally, I feel so hugely thankful for your eyeballs on this screen and for the encouragement. Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy your weekends!

13 Days back on! or '2015 is Still a Thing'

Welcome to what it feels like to have a legit 13 day streak on MyFitnessPal coupled with 8 workouts in as many days. The year 2015, friends, has not been my best- but it's going to end well.

Quick recap: Summer ended, and then the eating of any and everything continued. Visits from family, a wedding, a trip to Vegas, a couple work trips, and not much in the way of low carbing or weight loss. The occasional weekend cruiser bike ride was about all I did to improve my health.

I stopped reading your blogs, I stopped visiting the reddit keto pages, I just drove to and from work and snacked and bought ice cream and..yeah. The things we do.

Meanwhile, however, something's been bubbling up inside me. Finally, on Saturday Nov 7th, I said fuck this, I'm not only going fully back on Very Low Carb, I'm also boldly putting on my sneakers and going to the stupid gym in stupid Torrance four miles from my house which is conveniently located next to a Hometown Buffet. I've had a work-sponsored membership to a perfectly good gym with multiple locations for months now and I just now got my shit together and got my key fob activated. So, yeah, that first Saturday I did the elliptical and the recumbent bike while listening to some Skrillex, Tame Impala, and some early-2000s hip hop and felt, well, good.

Then, a few days later, I went to the gym which is- get this- in the SAME BUILDING where I work. AND MY WORK PAYS FOR MY MEMBERSHIP.  When I realized it had a few 'LA types' but basically it was just regular people working out who could care less about what anyone else looked like, I decided to go back almost every day after work. It's become, like, a thing, and I like it. Why haven't I gone before? Probably a few parts fear/embarrassment but mostly just...laziness and complacency. I don't want that anymore.

What I've yet to do is get back on the scale. My size 24 jeans still fit, and after almost two weeks 'back' I'm feeling like I'm de-puffing again- in fact I know I am, but I just didn't want to weigh myself. I want to get all the way though November like a boss- becoming a weirdo after-work gym rat, eating all the proteins and the fats, and even blogging a bit. I hope you all give me a chance to make up for the nonsensical fits and starts of the past year; I swear I'm destined to be a success story and I'm not giving up.

Cuantos Fat Chunks Han Perdido This Week?

I lost one single fat chunk. Glad I posted yesterday, but meanwhile I'll take that fat chunk and like it.  Totes insane at work, and PMS for miles up in here.

Here's to a pristine week and more Fat Chunk murder.

Moving in the Right Direction/Homer's Mumu

Won't have a new weight to track until tomorrow, but I feel like sharing since overall I've had a week to be pretty proud of and I want to talk about it before I know what the scale reads.

So yeah last weekend I wrenched my back somehow and ended up taking Tues and Thurs off work; mostly to escape the 60+ minutes each way to work. It started getting better and I took a few short walks, worked Friday, and yesterday had a relatively lazy Saturday. Today I went down to the beach bike path with my brother and biked for over an hour WITH A SLEEVELESS 'performance tank' on... and felt just fine about it. Pretty sure my upper shoulders haven't seen daylight since 2006, but everything was, well, just fine. They're large, lumpy, freckled, and helped me move myself down the strand today.

Part of the 'courage' it took to go ahead and wear a tank top in public (and believe me I know there's a whole lot more in the world to be worried about than upper arm fat) was the hilarious realization that a nightgown I purchased at the Avenue last week looks way, way too much like Homer's mumu.  Check it out:

And:

Not carbon copies, but seriously. Anyway, I'm not real sure what kind of loss I will post tomorrow. Today's long bike ride will help, but I won't be shocked if I lose a few ounces or drop 4 lbs. When you're home from work and can only lie down (sitting was killing the lower back), it's tempting to just snack on anything that's close by. I didn't have the low, low calorie week I wanted when I finished last week, but I tracked every day and I stayed very low carb. The main thing I'm feeling right now is momentum; it's back and I'm excited to keep logging into myfitnesspal, happy to WANT to come blog about my day rather than sheepishly apologize for being MIA, and generally all of that just makes me feel good about myself and the future.

If I were a real hardcore blogger, I would have taken a pic of myself with the bike and the tank top, but I'll save those for when I have some comparison shots. Meanwhile, here's a new picture I took yesterday and I think it sums up how I'm feeling in my skin right now:

Enjoy the last of your weekend; I'll be back tomorrow with a weight update!

Soooooo.........

Did the thing for a whole week. Weighed on in. Lost two lbs.

Logged daily- averaged about 2200 calories and about 30 carbs.  Got on the elliptical once.  Drank, well, daily. By cutting alcohol I'd be down to like 1700 per day which is really where I want to be.

I'm really glad I'm stitching together some progress again. This post should be funnier, more insightful, more passionate...please forgive me. Threw my back out late Saturday and I've been in serious pain ever since. Today I went in to work and the sitting killed me.  The drive home was especially bad and no amount of advil will help.  Anyway,  while walking around wincing and moving all gingerly is no fun,  I know it will pass. I also know I'm going to lose a few more pounds this week.

Happy Monday, friends.

quick reminders to self:

Low carb works.

I don't have to have wine every day.

October is coming.

One Foot in Front of the Other! (or...Hump Night Scrawlin')

Delivering on my own promises- it's a good feeling.

Last few days have gone thusly: low carb shake or BPC for breakfast, and then breadless cold cuts or bunless burgers for lunch, salad or protein pile for dinner. I won't lie; I've been having a few nighttime drinks but I'm religiously tracking on MFP. Tomorrow I'm getting some keto stix at CVS but I'm pretty sure I'm back in or very close to ketosis. Yesterday I got a sandwich from the work cafeteria and threw away the bread- bread in the form of a delicious freshly toasted baguette btw. Bye, Felicia Baguette- not interested. Today was 30 carbs 6 fiber grams. Calories have been just 'okay', not on track to lose a lb per day- more like 3 lbs per week. I do plan to step my shit up with some intermittent fasting in a few weeks, though.

4 full days until I weigh in again. If you're not a detective who noticed the sidebar weigh-in dealio, I did go up another two lbs since my birthday. I don't exactly consider that a triumph but it's still nice to be 'down' 12 from the beginning of the year and 18 from my highest. I want to see that progress bar grow. Right now trying really hard to take this a day at a time, but I can't help but target a holiday season in the 200s. It's been a long time since I've been there and I cannot WAIT.

If you have a lot to lose and you're considering low carb/high fat, this woman's story on the Diet Doctor website is really great. She's calm, she's healthy, and she's maintaining her weight loss by eating 85% fat every day.  Crazy amazin'.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Tired of Trying? Nope!

Another two months has passed since my last post. Thank you so very much for anyone who stopped by this Spring/Early Summer- especially Kaki, Nanette, and Leigh. The thing about the weight loss blogging world is that I know that you all *know* what I'm going through, and I feel like it's okay to keep coming back. I've also matured enough to realize that wiping out my blog (despite what one could objectively call failure over the last three years) is not the move here- when I have the pleasure of adding my 'After' pictures, I plan to tell the whole boring story.

SO what's happening? The short answer is 'the usual'; the longer explanation is I've been working long days and not taking very good care of myself. Some days were low carb, but more days than not in the last 4-6 weeks involved not only carbs but the shameful, convenience-store foods that I eat alone in my car or at my desk- pop tarts, donettes, candy. When I eat lots of sugar I'm tired all the time and wake up with dry mouth and nausea that's similar to a hangover- and so 'hair of the dog'-style, I reach for more sugar/carbs to stop those feelings. Vicious cycle. I am an addict and I'm ready to cut off the supply.

Yesterday was August first and I am especially aware of the events I'm attending over the first three weekends in October- a work trip Oct 1, a wedding in San Diego on the 10th, then Vegas for a 40th on Oct 17th. There's a lot I can do over the next 8-9 weeks to put myself in a much better place mentally and physically. At all three events I'll be meeting new people and dressing up- two things that are not as fun when you're too large for your nice clothes and you're feeling crappy about yourself.

August 1 was a new day one, but I skipped the scale. Tomorrow I start a series of Monday AM weigh-ins; I need to incorporate more accountability so I will do it once a week, Weight Watchers style. Yesterday, I ate bacon and eggs, cheese, pork shoulder, guacamole, broccoli slaw, an ear of corn (18 carbs), a low carb tortilla... and I drank a bottle of wine. I also walked on a beach trail for over an hour in Palos Verdes. I have a feeling that when I weigh tomorrow, I will be up since my birthday, but I woke up today feeling better than I've felt in three months. Yesterday's menu wasn't keto but it was lower carb, I logged it, and it was a good start. Today will be even lower, I'll keep logging, and I'll get outside again for another hour.

See you tomorrow.

I turned 39; Didn't Gain it all Back... A mid-2015 Check-in

So. On my 39th birthday (May 28)  I stepped on the scale for the first time in 2.5 months. Officially only up 6 which proves that I was exercising a little bit of restraint from time to time. Of course for my b'day weekend we went up to Solvang for wine tasting and indiscriminate carb eating. This past week at work I did not plan well and ate out too frequently. Long story short, I'm prooobably up a few more...and because I know that and I know myself I'm waiting until June 28th to weigh in again and then the plan is to weigh myself every 15 days through the end of the year.

Recap: since Jan 1, I'm holding onto a 14 lb loss. Since I started this blog a few years ago when I was at my personal maximum density, I'm down 20 lbs.

Goals: 10 lbs a month need to go.  I am turning 40 in roughly 355 days and I'm ready to live.

June is month 6 of 12 and it just started. I've procrastinated my whole damn life and this whole follow low carb, stick to it, and reap the benefits of better health, digestion, fitness, etc- well it's not too late for me to have a big old net loss by the end of the year. It's never too late- take a look at this guys success story if you have a minute. Visit Poonapalooza's page and check out her before and after shots, check out carbtripper or Kaki or scroll through the DietDoctor page for people who have made this lifestyle work.

Today Adam (husband), Kevin (brother), and I got on cruiser bikes and took a nice ride over to Hermosa. We got lunch and some beer, but also some sun and much-needed exercise. Kevin has been low carbing since the beginning of the year and is going on almost 70 lbs lost while Adam and I have been floundering. The (not) hilarious part is that we were the ones to 'sell' Kevin on keto/low carb after he was at first skeptical. The 300-400 lb experts have yet to fully adopt our own advice. That said, there's a 'readiness' in the air right now and I feel like Adam and I both are tired of the excess.

Here's to another Monday clean slate. Finding the strength to focus on right now while leaving past failures behind starts in your head not your mouth - and I came here tonight to start getting my head right. Thank you as always to anyone who is still reading; I appreciate it and cannot wait to share the joy of more success.

May 9th

21 days since my last post.

I keep eating sugar.

I didn't weigh in on May 1st.

Today I started my day with 2 eggs, bacon, and a coffee.

Today I will not eat sugar.

All I can do is keep going.

mug cakin' saturday

Twelve days in a row back to low carb; I feel much better than I did two weeks back. Pants are fitting, face slightly less round, self-confidence returning.

Still want to wait until May 1 to weigh in. I just don't want to see the scale show anything near 350 again...I will be in the 200s this summer; I will and I must and I'm not stopping. Meanwhile, because I didn't log my Friday food until after midnight last night, myfitnesspal took away my streak of days logged which is mildly annoying. 500 days for me could certainly be independent of mfp tracking, but I would like it to sync up. Whatever, myfitness 'pal'.

So oh yeah MORE IMPORTANTLY I am quite full on my very first mug cake. You probably all know craig of ruled.me- he's an ambitious fucker and clearly a great cook and I've been a fan and supporter of his keto blog for a long time. Craig is not the only blogger making mug cakes, but he's done like 20 varieties so I decided to try his original 2013 keto chocolate cake, this morning.

Before I describe the loss of my mug cake virginity,  full disclosure- I'm hung over. Adam and I had a low carb supper at my brother's place last night and then went to a local dive bar where the drinks are strong and the crowd is surly. I had red wine with dinner and one too many jack and diets later... and my head hurts. I had some coffee with hwc, took three advil, and I really wanted to take down a box of donuts, a coffee cake, or at least some damn toast this morning. Luckily, we don't have the shit in the house so I went looking up low carb breakfast treats. There's a lot out there, but most were too complex for me today.

The mug cake concept is self-explanatory, but just in case you've never seen a recipe, you mix melted butter, an egg, low carby flours (almond and coconut in the one today), and some kind of 'flavoring' in a mug and throw it in the microwave for 75 seconds and you have, well, a cake. You can scarf it right from the mug or turn it out on a plate. I've seen these for years and just never tried it.

Welp, guess what? It's pretty impressive. Feast your eyes!

It looks like actual cake, right? It is definitely much more dense than a cake, and even with special erithrytol and good cocoa powder, etc is also doesn't have that true, sweet chocolate cake taste. It does satisfy, though, and I'm not only NOT thinking about donuts anymore, I'm super legit full and there's still a hunk of the cake leftover. I may finish the rest on my own, but I would suggest splitting the recipe into two servings (or even more) if you're making one of the mug cakes as a 'dessert'. Mine was brunch so I'm fine eating the whole thing.

Anyway, I'm going to actually catch up on YOUR blogs now- if anyone happens to be reading this and would like to share your blog please comment and I'll add you to my sidebar. The lull of resolutions-gone-sour in March is over, people. Let's get back to it!

Update via declarative statements (aka Not Done Yet)

I had a good, solid thing going. I lost 20 lbs between Jan 2 and March 6th-ish and blogged about it.

On March 7th I went to Vegas and I partied and ate and drank with abandon.

The rest of March was not... good- a day of low carb, three days of random secret cookie eating, one day of half-hearted calorie-counting, two days of all-out binging. Meanwhile I was willfully ignoring the reality of not fitting into a pair of pants I wore in Vegas just THREE weeks later.

So today is day 8 of my renewed low carb streak. I'm back on myfitnesspal and I will get to 500 days. The arrows will hit center; I'm many things but generally I'm no slouch, and I'm definitely not done losing weight.

Currently I am determined to get through the month of April scale-less and report on May the 1st where my pounds are.

I turn 39 on May 28th; then a year to 40. I really, really, REALLY want to have a fun, exciting, big deal 40th Birthday. I want to leave the country, I want to dress up, and I want to feel comfortable in my skin. At north of 300 lbs I am sometimes literally too large for seats or rides and as confident as I feel with my loving, supportive husband and my good friends/family with me, there is just nothing that can make me 'forget' my weight in certain situations. The only person who can turn this around right now is me.

Thank you to anyone who comes back here and thinks good things for me. Those dates with no weights next to them are just killing me; I'm ashamed and I hate it. That said, I'd hate a whole lot more if I didn't own up to where I am today and work through it.

Happy Spring, my favorites!

8 Week Total Loss...and bonus Brad Pitt gif!

Apparently scrubbing grout really wore me out, and I just wasn't able to get to bloggin' or even standing on the scale last week. Just kidding. I've been supes busy. Plus, last week's period-bloaty feeling plus a champagne-y (but yes Very Low Carb) Valentines night dinner all led to me decide to take a hall pass on the scale. They used to let you do that at Weight Watchers; you still got on the scale but the lady would write down your number and then hand it to you in a velvet box with a padlock- or something. I know it's a little overdramatic, but I just didn't want my likely +1 on the scale to throw me off this past week.

So...wha'appened?

Down 3 more lbs. Not a herculean feat given it's been two weeks, but that brings me to a nice satisfying 20 Pounds Lost since January 2, 2015!! I'm also on day 58 of a very legitimate Myfitnesspal streak, which is well past 10% of my Myfitnesspal logging goal. 20 lbs is also nice chunk of the eleventy thousand lbs I want to eventually take off.

To celebrate my 20 lbs gone, I invite you to take in the wonderment of this product:

For a mere $483.50, you can buy a 'web mesh vest' with 20 extra lbs of rubberized faux fat so you and your genetically blessed friends can feel how awful it is to carry additional weight. I say spending about 28 dollars on post-Christmas, post-V-Day, or post-Easter CVS clearance candy and gaining the twenty on your own is way cheaper and much more educational, but then you wouldn't get that 'What's in the BOX??' carrying case.

Meanwhile...at this time a week from now, Adam and I will be driving onto the 15 heading North to that sweet sweet devil's playground- Las Vegas, Nevada.  I plan to stay at approximately 85% Very Low Carb, have a few cheat ITEMS (not days; not meals) and keep track of everything. I also want to take off five damn lbs this week so I can feel even more like a rock star than usual.  Have a great weekend; I'll be back a lot sooner this week.

Uncovering White Grout, and the 6 Week Weigh-in

I'm starting with the picture because I still can't believe that I scrubbed my whole kitchen/entryway floor on my 'Personal Day'. The above pic was about 1/4 of the way through- it took almost 4 hours and myfitness pal gave me, like, 1170 cardio calories for the job. The dark grout you see is not due to any weird shadows or trick of light; it's just straight up dirt and kitchen grime that I've mopped and swiffered over/around for seven years but never actually got down and cleaned. In case you're looking for household tips, I used a bottle of Barkeeper's Friend for one section but then ran out and made my own 'paste' out of baking soda and peroxide- you pour into the lines let it sit for a minute and then use grout brushes to go at it. Being on the floor is not super fun; getting up with your legs asleep and your back screaming is even less so. The most disgusting part was there were times I could smell the gross I was cleaning; even the baking powder wasn't masking it. Sooo...yeah.

Was it worth it? Yes.

Doing the floor is clearly a metaphor for where I am in my life with weight, weight loss, and honesty.  I can imagine that some people would be completely grossed out by the way our floor looked yesterday morning (and for the last 7 years); they would literally not be able to comprehend how another person could live with severely dirty kitchen tile grout. A different group (but I imagine there might be a decent overlap) might be similarly unable to grasp how I could allow myself to get to over 350 lbs. I understand those thoughts; I understand them because I have the same thoughts; however, for a long time I've allowed myself to ignore the obvious, tamp things down, and just be...okay with it.

Okay is a strong word because I obviously don't like being extremely overweight, but when it comes down to it if I'm not actively working to change the issue, I kind of have to be okay with it or I'll lie in bed crying all day, right?

Have friends walked into our apartment and said 'Wow I love your place!' even though there was baked-on-caked-on kitchen shit just under their flip flops? Um, yes.

Have people complimented a 350-ish lb version of me and said I looked nice or pretty or good and have I believed them? Actually, yes. Yes, I have. 

The point, I guess, is that I've always liked and respected myself. I also love the home and the life I have with my husband; dirty corners and grout lines be damned. However, I don't want to 'just be okay' with certain things anymore; I want to live fully and uncover what's underneath.

This past week had its ups and downs. Highlights include the first three workouts on our new Nordictrack Freestrider, and lowlights include the weeknight drinking I'd promised not to do.

I waited an extra day to weigh-in and partially thanks to the floor scrubbin' I'm down 2 more lbs as of this morning. Three weeks until Adam and I go on our 5th Anniversary trip to Las Vegas. I can't WAIT.

In two weeks I will post progress pics. Here's to a great week and Happy Valentine's Day!!

5 Weeks into 2015. Down 15 Pounds

35 days in a row logged on myfitnesspal. Weekly Friday AM weigh-ins. A big promise kept; little promises broken. The big one is that I'm low carbing and tracking in 2015- the little ones thus far are about exercising and cutting calories/alcohol. I'm losing weight but I'm losing slowly because I'm still living luxuriously which is not super cool for someone well north of 300 lbs. Plenty of good wine and good cheeses are consumed- and now I'm hooked on Quest 'protein' bars- they're low carb, convenient, high fiber, and delicious. January and February are the two busiest months at work so I've allowed myself some conveniences, but it's time to return to whole foods and 'clean' keto.

I know what I have to do but meanwhile I want to acknowledge and celebrate the fact that I am losing weight:

Dropping 15 pounds allowed me to fit back into jeans I took out of the rotation circa Thanksgiving.

Losing 15 gives me a healthier, less puffy face.

Being 15 lbs less than I was on January 2 lets me breathe a huge sigh of relief-I'm capable, I'm doing this. I'm not stopping.

15 lbs is 10% of 150 lbs.

Today is February 6th and I see the entire year rolling out before me. I look forward to every low-carb snack logged, every steak I cut into, every cup of bullet proof coffee, every Friday morning weigh-in, every milestone, every pair of jeans that buttons for the first time in years, every slightly less ominous squeak of the seat of my cruiser bike, and every damn morning.

It's already a good year and it's only getting better.

Have a lovely weekend.

Week 3 Weigh-In: Lost another...

One. Yep, one pound. After a week of much wine and negative physical activity, I will take that lb and be happy about it. This weekend we went out of town yet again, but I didn't feel the need to go off the rails. Tonight after the three hour drive home, I was craving comfort food and I decided to make screwedonstraight's Pizzadillas which were so so so so perfect. I made them as instructed with the addition of sliced black olives. Pan frying in coconut oil gave the outside of the low-carb tortillas this golden crunchiness that is just so delicious and feels like a cheat. Seriously, if you feel like you 'need' pizza but you don't want to get into baking the crust, make yourself one of these. Or two, if you can handle the extra fiber.

Three weeks back into low carb/high fat and I'm down 12 lbs. My husband is down about 15, and my brother has also been low-carbing and he's down almost 20. I chalk up some of his success to the fact that he's a first-timer to low carb, but it's really because he's been exercising and keeping his calories down. I've been low carb and I'm usually creating a calorie deficit but I let myself snack and I've been avoiding exercise.

What do I need to do in the next four days to keep my streak going and see a loss on Friday morning?

1) Eat real food and track everything
2) Keep my daily intake closer to 1800 instead of 2200
3) Work. Out. Seriously; it's time!

That's it. Have a savory and active week, friends.

36 hrs til Weigh-in #3 and Food is Delicious

This is one of those 'blog instead of eat', 'write instead of drink' posts- I know I've had high calorie week and I've got to pull myself together. Tonight was about getting my intake under control which means after dinner I didn't crack into a bottle of wine or get creative with the cream cheese desserts. Over the weekend up at my in-laws, Adam and I stayed low carb- my mother-in-law cooked two amazing low carb dinners, actually, and we had plenty of good choices at every meal. On the car ride up we drank sugar free Monsters and ate Quest bars, and on the ride home we got In-N-Out burgers protein style. That said, I had two days in a row of about 3200 calories which is too many. I am also thinking I need to cool it on the processed foods- it's a bit early to start working in bars- even if they're low carb they're not super good for me. Snacking is also something that I need to watch- a few chunks of cheese and salami is totally keto, but if I know I'm about to eat an 800 cal dinner and have 250 cal of wine ten minutes later why have a snacky cheese pile? WHY? I guess because food is delicious, that's why. This weekend I went north of 3,000 calories because of extras like cheese, sour cream, and plenty of red wine -a constant temptation that I give into with very little resistance.


Low carb is my friend, but I'm a life long compulsive eater and I can abuse food and drink like no one's business even when restrictions are in place. I know that for me at my weight there is no excuse not to keep on dropping a couple lbs per week so I'm going to keep tracking (today was day 20 in a row on myfitnesspal- hooray!) and striving to stay accountable.

Hope everyone is pushing through the end of the month and sticking with your private and public resolutions. I'll be back Friday with a weight update.

So You Think You Can Keto? (answer: yes!)

Two full weeks down and I weighed in this morning to find my substantial frame down 4 MORE POUNDS since last Friday. -7 week one + -4 week two = Great Success!  I included the giant pyramid pic atop this post just to outline how I'm eating and also to remind everyone to head over to the reddit boards.  Also, I've legitimately eaten everything in that pyramid at least twice over the last two weeks (with the exception of the seeds next to the almonds which I think are pepitas and strawberries- but I've had raspberries twice so same thing). Last night I made spinach lasagna which is just so delicious and despite the brick-sized piece I had at 8pm along with 3 glasses of red wine, I still lost 4 lbs today. Can you tell I'm ready to put on the Keto uniform and start passing out pamphlets at the airport?

So yeah. I do have to get out the door and to work, but I wanted to share and say hello. This weekend Adam and I will be doing out first little road trip since we started 'hardcore' low carb so there will be a few temptations and inconveniences that come up, but the head start of two great weeks is going to go a long way and I don't see any reason to veer off track. Have a great weekend everybody.

Week the First Results

Week one down and I am down 7 lbs. I found out on Friday morning but I rushed to work and then stayed away from the computer all weekend. In fact, I'm typing this from my phone. I feel like a weirdo, but I really wanted to get something down before the insanity of the work week takes hold. Losing seven damn pounds is a big deal; I feel more resolved than ever and I want to keep this going so that every Friday morning post weigh-in I'm dying to blog from the roof tops.

Recap of my first week back on keto: I log everything on My Fitness Pal, I aim for 1900 cal 5% carbs 25% protein 70% fat, and for now that's it. Exercise soon. Intermittent Fasting a little later.

My new longterm goal is to log on mfp 500 days in a row. That will take me to just a couple weeks before my 40th. Of course I imagine where I might be weight wise, but the goal is just to do it. Today is day 10 so I'm already 2% there.

Have a smashing week, friends. January is almost half over and we have awesomeness to get done this year.

Smell ya later, 80 ounces of unflattering water!

This whole 'full disclosure' thing is good stuff. My official weigh-in day is Friday and I won't update my sidebar until the 9th, but I got on the new fancy scale this morning. After two days of eating keto and two nights peeing all night, I've already lost 5 lbs of water bloat and Christmas candy guilt. Woot indeed.

I've read enough about the science of keto and the initial water drop to know that there will be an equilibrium and that numbers may go up and then come back down etc but I also know that it's fucking awesome to see a loss. I vow to stay away from the scale until Friday, but this makes me want to keep it up.

If anyone is interested in my food/macros/calories, you can find me on myfitnesspal at saradalhed and I would love to have more friends there. Over the past two days I ended up right around 2000 calories per day and my carbs were at 5%, fat 70-75% and protein 20-25%. A generic keto day for me is: heavy cream and coconut oil in my coffee, eggs/bacon or an egg-based casserole for breakfast, coldcut rolls and spring mix salad lunch, bell peppers and blue cheese dip snack, then fish/steak/chicken plus generously buttered/cheesed veggies for dinner.  I'm shooting for 1900 cal now and I'm eating when hungry, but I will likely drop it to 1600-1800 once I adapt and feel comfortable moving over to BPC in the morning, fasting, and a nice dinner at night.

Tomorrow I'm back to my regular work schedule and real life. Have a great week!!

Full Disclosure. Holy Shit Camp 2015.

This is when you have two camps in the blogging world- the 'I never stopped; I logged through the holidays, did a Turkey Trot, looked cute in my fine-gauge knit Christmas sweater' camp and the 'Holy shit where did the time go I have to get serious this year or I'll have a heart attack by 40' camp.

Well, congrats, Turkey Trotters. Guess which one I'm in? I am the co-chair (along with my wonderful husband) of the Redondo Beach Holy Shit Camp - it's beyond the planning and whining stages; he and I are Very Serious and I'm quite frankly psyched to get back to the boring, sugar-free life of low carb/high fat and start feeling good again when I look in the mirror.

Quick 2014 overview:  First of all, I keep thinking 'last year' was 2013. Nope. So 2014 I got into the high fat/low carb keto way of eating and I very much appreciate the science, the success stories, and the reddit keto community. I was in it pretty deep until April/May-ish- I was down just over 30 lbs, I was experiencing all the goodness that comes from dumping sugar, flour, grain, etc- thinner face, dropped a jeans size, more energy, very little hunger, etc. Going back to carbs was bad -the second half of the year turned into a shameful crap-food party. Life was also a bit hectic- my brother came from Mass to live with us at the end of May and while I would have bouts of successful low-carbin' over the last six months, the added variable of having someone else around (beside my husband who will succumb to drinking on a Tuesday because we saw a preview for next season's Mad Men and, of course, me who will find any excuse to tear into wine and ice cream) who is social and likes to eat/drink/be merry was just the excuse I needed to ignore my health through the summer. In the early part of the fall, work got insane and my then-boss was fired and in November I was promoted in a big way. That was my fall excuse. Once the 'holidays' were upon us I used those to justify 'not getting hardcore' until, well, The New Year.

So here I am. Kevin moved into his own place, I'm finding my way at work, and I'd like to have a human-sized waist by the time I'm 40 (May 2016). This is what our guest room currently looks like:

Instead of a bed or futon, we're going to make it a workout room for 2015. Potential house guests can have the living room couch. In the foreground is a very nice new scale that holds up to 441 lbs (such a random number btw) which I'll be stepping onto every Friday morning. It's very 'Extreme Makeover' of us, I think. Soon we'll be adding a piece of cardio equipment, and I may cross-stitch a 'Welcome to Holy Shit Camp' sign for the door; we'll see.

Oh yeah so if you've gotten this far, you get to be part of the exclusive club who knows exactly how much I weigh- for the past two years I've danced around it but I think full disclosure will also help with responsibility. I just can't be 'embarrassed' anymore. It's mortifying, yes, but I'm literally carrying it around with me for all to see. I weigh 359 lbs and stand 5'9". I weigh as much as two stocky 5' 7" dudes. I'm lucky enough not to have broken many pieces of furniture, but I probably should have broken more by now. I wear a snug size 24 jeans and a 26/28 top. Last year I started off at 365 so I am technically down from my highest but this is not acceptable and not sustainable- literally not sustainable. My goal is to lose 175 and get down to 190, then see how I feel. Here is what I look like these days:

 

Our 5th wedding anniversary is March 5, I turn 39 at the end of May, and we fly home in July to visit family and see my first niece, Olivia. Sticking with the Extreme Makeover theme, I give myself the following three VERY AGGRESSIVE goals.:

By March 5 2015: Down 40 lbs

By May 28 2015: Down 75 lbs

By July 16th: Down 90 lbs

Can't wait to see what you example setters have planned for 2015, and I can't wait to cheer on anyone who is just getting back to it. Happy New Year!