Uncovering White Grout, and the 6 Week Weigh-in

I'm starting with the picture because I still can't believe that I scrubbed my whole kitchen/entryway floor on my 'Personal Day'. The above pic was about 1/4 of the way through- it took almost 4 hours and myfitness pal gave me, like, 1170 cardio calories for the job. The dark grout you see is not due to any weird shadows or trick of light; it's just straight up dirt and kitchen grime that I've mopped and swiffered over/around for seven years but never actually got down and cleaned. In case you're looking for household tips, I used a bottle of Barkeeper's Friend for one section but then ran out and made my own 'paste' out of baking soda and peroxide- you pour into the lines let it sit for a minute and then use grout brushes to go at it. Being on the floor is not super fun; getting up with your legs asleep and your back screaming is even less so. The most disgusting part was there were times I could smell the gross I was cleaning; even the baking powder wasn't masking it. Sooo...yeah.

Was it worth it? Yes.

Doing the floor is clearly a metaphor for where I am in my life with weight, weight loss, and honesty.  I can imagine that some people would be completely grossed out by the way our floor looked yesterday morning (and for the last 7 years); they would literally not be able to comprehend how another person could live with severely dirty kitchen tile grout. A different group (but I imagine there might be a decent overlap) might be similarly unable to grasp how I could allow myself to get to over 350 lbs. I understand those thoughts; I understand them because I have the same thoughts; however, for a long time I've allowed myself to ignore the obvious, tamp things down, and just be...okay with it.

Okay is a strong word because I obviously don't like being extremely overweight, but when it comes down to it if I'm not actively working to change the issue, I kind of have to be okay with it or I'll lie in bed crying all day, right?

Have friends walked into our apartment and said 'Wow I love your place!' even though there was baked-on-caked-on kitchen shit just under their flip flops? Um, yes.

Have people complimented a 350-ish lb version of me and said I looked nice or pretty or good and have I believed them? Actually, yes. Yes, I have. 

The point, I guess, is that I've always liked and respected myself. I also love the home and the life I have with my husband; dirty corners and grout lines be damned. However, I don't want to 'just be okay' with certain things anymore; I want to live fully and uncover what's underneath.

This past week had its ups and downs. Highlights include the first three workouts on our new Nordictrack Freestrider, and lowlights include the weeknight drinking I'd promised not to do.

I waited an extra day to weigh-in and partially thanks to the floor scrubbin' I'm down 2 more lbs as of this morning. Three weeks until Adam and I go on our 5th Anniversary trip to Las Vegas. I can't WAIT.

In two weeks I will post progress pics. Here's to a great week and Happy Valentine's Day!!