So in September I claimed I was 'not saying fuck it' (not one of my best) and I think I kept with that vibe for a bit in the fall, but yet again somewhere around early November I let it all go. The various excuses all apply; nothing tragic befell me. I love to stuff delicious food into my face- the doughier, the sweeter, the toffee-crunchier, the better. Sugar for me is bad in a myriad of ways and I keep doing it. When I combine sugar from morning on with wine or other alcohol at night I blow up like a cartoon.
Quick aside: with all the anti-bullying stuff, why is it that kids' movies have no problem with making fun of overweight people? Fat ladies are priggish and wear only flowered dresses, fat kids are dumpy losers or bullies, and fat men are buffoons who pop buttons and get red in the face. And double quick aside: I agree with team 'Love Actually Sucks' because fat shaming. K. Done.
This is what's going on in my house: We just got back late last night from a week in Massachusetts with my family. My husband I both had a blast, we enjoyed everyone's company, got a break from work, and we ate/drank any and everything we wanted. It got to the point where I was looking at very fancy chocolates on our last day and going 'blerggg I can't' (spoiler alert: I did anyway!).
The real bad: My neck is almost gone; I'm more comfortable in a 26/28 than any other size; my 'fitness level' is a negative 6. I snore and wheeze.
The okay: Pretty sure I'm not quite back at my top weight; some of my 'newer' 2013 clothing still fits, and I'm still here.
The good: The path ahead is a beautiful, unmarked blank slate.
The wonderful: My husband told me over Christmas with my family I was 'perfect'. When I made a horrified face at that word he said 'Perfect to me'. He melted my cold sarcastic heart. For years I thought major weight loss first, love second.
The truth: I'm not starved for love, I'm not angry or tamping down feelings of unworthiness. The over-analyzing of the fat person as the downtrodden and ashamed pisses me off. There is no spelunking of the soul that needs to happen; I need to plan and execute and take care of myself nutritionally. These next few days I won't be in full no grains/Paleo, but I will be starting in earnest Jan 2. I like this overview and meal plan ideas quite a bit: http://authoritynutrition.com/low-carb-diet-meal-plan-and-menu/
I will also take a break from drinking, and get my shit together physically. I will be watching all y'all do your thing in 2014, too.
Finally, look how cute we are:
You and hubby are adorable! welcome back!!!!! I was looking through my blogroll the other day and thought of you. Glad to see you posting again :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome back and I will enjoy reading your posts again :) You and your husband are adorable :) Losing weight sure is not easy but doable one pound at a time !
ReplyDeleteThanks for mentioning my BITCH post! I appreciate the shout out. Your husband is definitely a keeper...Then I scrolled down to the picture, and he's cute, too! Glad you had a fun trip, and I'm glad you're not giving up. Here's hoping 2014 finds a healthier, less wheezy Sara!
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