Past Success and Never Giving Up

On Tuesday I'll weigh myself and report back to this blog. Tuesday will mark 110 days of keto; straight on through- no breaks or cheat days or 'I'm restarting tomorrow'. I'm coming up on 16 weeks; almost 4 months. I can't help but hearken back to being on other 'diets' and surprising myself by actually tracking my food for a month straight, or hitting 5-6 weeks of attendance and points-counting.  While many eating plans 'work'- my binge-prone, pre-diabetic, insulin-drenched system was not a good match for the USDA food pyramid coupled with limits.

Thanks to keto, this is the first time in a very, very long time I see myself following through and actually changing my body in a significant way. My biggest personal 'success story' was in college when I lost just over 100 lbs- I did it with the boldness and vigor of a 21-year-old because, well, that's what I was. The mid-nineties were still all about Low Fat, so I combined low fat eating with calorie-counting and lots of gym workouts. I'd estimate that I was approximately ten times as physically active as I am now with my commuter/desk job/homebody lifestyle. Ha. There was this magical period between the end of junior year and the start of senior year when I was, for lack of a more politically correct term, 'normal' sized.  I bought a pair of pants from American Eagle- just like a garden variety mall shopper!-, I cut and dyed my hair, and I cautiously started interacting with actual human boys. It was fun; however, due to my inability to adjust from a nonsexual friend character to a woman who flirts and thinks about sexytimes, most of those interactions were beyond awkward. Partying, getting through Senior Year, and resting on my laurels led to the weight creeping back on even before graduation. Moving out to Los Angeles on my own at 22- working three jobs, living with roommates, eating lots of cereal and fast food- led to a full regain of the 100 lbs and a few extra for good measure.

The second successful run was when I was about 29. My friend Lisa had invited me on a group trip to Belize, I was finished with an awful excuse for a relationship, I was living on my own in a single apartment, and I was ready to stop the insanity. (One example of said insanity was the fact that the Domino's guy knew me and my regular order of a 16" cheese plus cinnamon bread alllll too well.  He sometimes brought me free Diet Coke. Yep.) On that run of weight-loss I think I lost about 70 lbs and was within 40 lbs of that 'normal' size that I hit in college. Because I was more comfortable in my skin, I carried it well and gained a lot of confidence. To be perfectly frank, I am not sure exactly what diet I was following when I was losing. I think it was a combo of Weight Watchers and lots of cardio (I still have a pair of barely-used women's size xl shiny running shorts in my drawer that I will wear again). I also don't remember gaining the weight back, but I did.

In the nine years since, I've had many weight-related ups and downs- lost 25 before my wedding in 2010, quickly gained about 50 during my first year of marriage, and then took off 30 and put it right back. In the last few years I've been so overweight I needed a seatbelt extender on a plane- in first class. At one point in 2012 I wore black yoga pants to work almost every day because none of my size 24 pants would fit me; I refused to buy a 26.

Despite the highs and lows and the embarrassment of size 3X stretchy pants, I've never given up hope that I will live out my days as a Not-Markedly-Overweight Person. I've never stopped trying. I just know I have it in me. Like Tony Posnanski wrote in a recent blog post, fat people are not lazy. The thing to remember is that all of the inspirational bloggers we love are where they are now because they believed in themselves at their HIGHEST WEIGHT; they were called to action and started kicking ass at 420, 350, 280, 196- they didn't become awesome after they lost their weight; they were always awesome. I'm going to that success story level again, and I'll do it before 40.  Thanks so much for your support.

Happy Easter!