underwhelmed, yes. determined, you betcha.

Day 40 on low carb/high fat/keto/modified atkins/paleo with cheese/whatever you want to call it. I broke my stall and lost two diced organic tomato cans full of fat. See photo:

That lump is a pound of fat, and I lost two. Hooray. (sigh).

Here's what's been happening:

I am still fully on board with this eating plan. I don't eat simple carbs. The few I take in come from incidental carbohydrates in things like cheese, spinach, avocados, lettuce, half-and-half, and almond butter.  The first 10 days I lost 6 lbs, the second 10 I lost 3, then ZERO, and now this morning as of day 40 I lost another 2 lbs. Should I be pleased that I'm down 11 pounds in forty days? Should I be happy that I am reducing without hunger, discomfort, and only occasional exercise? I feel like yes, I should be. Instead I'm annoyed because it's starting to sink in that NOTHING IS EASY, ESPECIALLY LOSING WEIGHT.

Is keto/low carb a godsend for those of us with insulin resistance and carb addiction? Well, fuck yes it is. I know it is for me. My drives to work in the morning are very different. I no longer want to stop at the Bristol Farms on my way to work and buy a 900-calorie cinnamon roll, eat it in the car, and then realize I've started a chain reaction of all-day eating. After a 'breakfast pastry' I'm hungry for lunch like three hours later, and then when a 1000 calorie takeout lunch is not enough I eat a twix bar and cookies from the work kitchen two hours after that, and then drive home cranky and HUNGRY because I've been eating carbs all day and I can't...stop. That feeling, the whole awful shameful shitty habit and compulsion of overeating- it sucks. I haven't binged or felt ashamed of how much food I've eaten in 40 days. For that I'm grateful.

So what has to be refined? I do have to watch my intake. I'm eating too many calories. The 'nothing is easy' comes from the gobsmacked realization that-despite the testimonials of regular sized people from Internetlandia who claim you don't have to watch portions or count calories on low carb diets-it's pretty easy to take down 2500-3000 calories in a day of lowcarb eating. Because I'm 37 and sedentary like you read about, I can't lose weight like that. I need to add in some movement and I need to shoot for 1800-1900 calories a day. The other thing which I've been dragging my feet (mentally) on is considering limiting dairy to cream in my morning coffee. I am going to try calories and exercise first because I want to keep my close personal relationship with CHEESE alive and well. But I swear to Xenu losing 150 lbs is more important to me than any food and I will do what it takes.

Hope you all do what it takes this week!