It's not my fault!

I'm having a moment, people. I'm on the verge of acknowledging some shit I've been secretly thinking(hoping?) for a long long time and now it seems I'm allowed to believe it. The pictures above are Gary Taubes books that basically debunk the current theories about 'calories in calories out', the food pyramid, and what specifically (chemically, physiologically inside you, NOT the food you eat) makes you fat.

I am almost done with Good Calories, Bad Calories which was published in 2007. In his lectures, Taubes points out that the newer book 'Why We Get Fat' (2011) is essentially the same message but with less scientific stuff-more along the lines of 'airplane reading'. I'll admit I had to either re-read or skim here and there while reading GCBC, but it's been worth the slog. Check out the lecture he did last year at the University of Texas if you prefer watching/listening to reading: http://garytaubes.com/lectures/

So why am I so fired up? Well, even more so than last weekend when I read Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis (who says wheat is 'as addictive as crack'- holla), I'm experiencing some Will Hunting/Robin Williams bear-hugging-it's-not-your-fault emotions.

Specifically, the chapter on fat metabolism (about halfway through the book) from Good Calories, Bad Calories really resonated with me this morning. I was aware of the fact that some overweight people can eat the same number of calories a 'thin' person eats yet the big person stays the same or even gains pounds, I was aware that simple carbs stimulate insulin production that stimulates hunger, but the idea that overweight people actually have something wrong, on the inside/cellular level that causes us to hold on to fat and metabolize food in different ways was huge for me. Further, the idea that we can release fat not simply by 'calories in calories out' by basically making our bodies do it for us (ie starving it not of calories but of carbohydrates which then allow fat cells to break up and release fatty acids back into our system to be used/released) with diet choice rather than restriction is fucking brilliant.

I could go on and on about how Taubes proves his points, but it would honestly take too long. I'll say (I think for the last time here) that yes you 'can' lose weight using calorie counting, and you can lose weight while on Weight Watchers or any other diet while joyfully eating simple carbs, but I'm convinced more so than ever that for most of us, this is a Sisyphean effort. I look forward to being a case study for the positive effects of cutting sugar and grain, eating more fat and more protein, and losing weight without hunger.

On the weight loss front, I've been hopping on the scale this week and now I'm about 6 lbs away from my previous lowest weight (the 23 down on WW in the late fall) so I'm really hoping to get there next Saturday so I can start posting losses again.  In the last 7 days I'm down almost 8 lbs and still feeling either not hungry at all or pleasantly full most of the day. Now that I'm officially starting Week 2 of high fat/high protein, I'm ready to go to the gym and I'm heading there now.

Update from Protein Town

The pic was my lunch Sunday. I took it because I thought it was kind of beautiful and definitely more appetizing than a big old steak or a couple of grey porkchops.

Today (Wed.) was day FIVE eating no grains of any kind and completely cutting out sugar (including sweeteners of any kind; no diet coke, splenda, stevia, etc.). It's past 11pm now and I'm still full from dinner despite the fact that it was about 1/3 the size of what I typically ate for dinner even when I was having an alleged 'good' day on Weight Watchers. I want to slow down a hot minute and again say that I do believe WW as a concept works, will work, and worked for many others in the past but right now I seem to be having a personal epiphany here with low carb.

My take so far is- the rumors are true.

You chop off a few lbs very quickly. I lost 4 in two days and then I stopped weighing daily because I don't want to get on the scale every day; I will go back to Saturday morning weigh-ins soon.

The first few days I was foggy/cranky/slow and I actually dreamed about various sugary foods for like three nights in a row.

By the third day I was feeling better (Monday) and then yesterday and today just felt kind of content because I felt 'full'- or maybe full is not the right word-I felt like NOT EATING which for a life long compulsive eater is maybe even more mind blowing. Yes, I think that's it. I've experienced what it's like to not want to eat.

I've done Atkins and low-carb-esque plans in the past but I've never gone as far as to cut out all types of sugar; I've always done splenda or had a diet soda or made those low-carb 'desserts' with ricotta cheese and stevia and almond flour crumble etc. For now I'm staying completely away and I think that's why it's working so well. I have no way of knowing, but I've been pretty sure (and very afraid of the idea) that if I get an updated blood test doctors would tell me I'm diabetic or at the very least pre-diabetic. Without getting too over the top, I feel like by eating this way I am in the beginning steps of reversing an illness.

I also checked out some amazing before and after shots at Poonapalooza's site and saw that she's also a low carber. I am feeling that this is 'right' in my bones, but it was also awesome to see some sweet 'after' shots and read about someone who is down 122 lbs. 

Finally, I want to thank the amazing work-in-progess that is Skinny Bitch for linking to my site and for being awesome.

Auntie Lynn was probably right.

I'm a pretty big fan of Weight Watchers because it works. I also hear that people have lost a few ounces thanks to calorie counting, portion control, low carb, shakes, Medifast, hiring Bob Greene to live with you, etc. So many ways to lose it. Right now my dad is using fitness pal to track calories and he's eating 2000 calories a day but is fitting in a bottle of red wine almost every night and he is down 19.4 over the past four weeks. I am jealous, and I'm also tired of not having my own breakthrough; I'm just jerking around with these same 20 lbs or so and the fact that at my weight those twenty are essentially meaningless is not lost on me. At my weight the 23 lbs I lost in the late fall made a modest dent- it was enough for my husband and close friends to notice but it was nowhere near a before and after type situation. I desperately need to be my own before and after situation.

I am beginning to believe that 'self-control' and tracking will not be enough to get me to a healthy weight by the time I'm 40. Again, I know it works but I haven't been working it. Therefore, I am ready to take a break from the foods I think about too much, eat even when I'm not at all hungry, and sometimes even binge on. This morning I had eggs and cottage cheese for breakfast and then read the book Wheat Belly on my kindle. Wheat Belly is basically like a paleo diet or an Atkinsy food plan. It is pretty much the exact diet my aunt Lynn tried to get me to adopt 14 years ago when I first moved to California but I was determined to stick with plans that include more foods I like. Well now that I'm older and still fat, I decided to just give in. Lunch was a weaksauce can of tuna so I went to the store to get veggies, raw almonds, delicious cheese, and lots of protein. Dinner was chicken breast over spinach salad with egg and blue cheese, and snacks were almonds, cheese, tomato slices, and avocado.

What I liked about today was that I didn't have to track or count but I know it was a 'weight loss day'. I also liked that everything I ate was tasty and filling. Today was the first time in a very long time I had no sugar, flour, oats, corn, wheat, or high fructose anything. I even skipped diet soda, sugar free creamer, coffee, and dark chocolate. As a result, I'm kind of fuzzy and headachy and may possibly be dealing with carb or sugar withdrawal. However, I also feel okay with that, and I am ready to do this again tomorrow.

please enjoy this stock photo of a calendar

Since my post Saturday, I've had sweet little almost-full-week of tracking my WW points. I worked out Sunday and Tuesday and I plan to workout tonight. Tomorrow I will weigh myself to see how I'm doing after a full week of immersing myself in the seedy underbelly of dietbet.com. I actually joined a second dietbet pool (the one Tony from theantijared.com started) so I will do another 'official' starting weigh in over the weekend. The first one ends Fri Feb 22 and the next one will end Sunday March 3.  Meanwhile, I'm looking for a third one that will start at the end of Feb and culminate the day before our Vegas (!!!!) trip which is March 23. Have I mentioned that I have an addictive/compulsive side? I tend to replace overeating with something else and right now I'm all about dietbet and obsessively looking at calendars.

I have nothing awesome to say actually except that I'm back at it. Hope everyone is doing super fine.

Saturday Post = On a Mission

Oh Chris Powell (see above). Adorbs. Chris is like an earnest, mega-church version of Bob from Biggest Loser. He's the host/trainer on Extreme Makeover Weight Loss and he released a workout DVD which I bought a few months back and I finally opened last night after work. There are three levels or workouts- 15, 25, and 30 minutes. I assumed that the 15 minute one would be pretty much a breeze; something for nursing home residents or hefty mental patients wearing grey slippers. Nonetheless, I was feeling overwhelmed with doing ANY kind of exercise since it's been two months, so I went for Level One.  15 minutes later I was sweating pretty good, and I was impressed with the workout.

That being said, I sincerely hope and I absolutely plan to be well beyond the level one sweat experience in a few weeks from now, but I am happy that his dvd even exists since so many fitness DVDs, even ones marketed to the very overweight, have ridiculous exercises that are practically impossible to do if your waist is over 40 inches or you have more than 100 lbs to lose. His Level One workout had zero jumping, it didn't have mountain climbers or burpees or traditional push-ups- I could DO EVERYTHING THE PEOPLE ON THE SCREEN DID. If you're substantially overweight or a true beginner I highly recommend buying the tape- it's under $8 on Amazon.

So I've had four days now back on WW points and I'm feeling calm. The dietbet challenge is definitely a motivator, but I'm also getting back to the positive way I was thinking from the end of September to the end of November when I lost 23 lbs. This week I'm appreciating that even with money out there or special foods purchased or a big trip on the horizon, it all comes from me; period.

I hope you're all doing well and if February is a better start time for you than January, so be it. Also, I am stubbornly refusing to move the weight tracker above, but I will confess where I am as of this morning- I'm 12 lbs up from my lowest WW weigh-in. I plan to be back under by Saturday February 9th and get back to a meeting so I can add official weight losses to my side bar again. For now the diet bet challenge got me on the scale to face reality, and I'm happy with where I am today. More serious workouts are also on the horizon!

Prepackaged Assistance, plus a $25 Bet

So the food is from Fit Foods- you walk in, pick out 'fresh made' prepackaged meals, bring them home, and voila portion control. I'm entering the food Weight Watcher Points style, but I'm in need of a crutch right now. And a kick in the ass.

Meanwhile, I also joined a Diet Bet group- have any of you heard of this? You put up money (the one I joined is $25 per person) and everyone who loses at least 4% of their starting weight in 28 days gets an equal share of the pot. Right now the one I joined, which was started by Shawn from 344pounds.com , is up to like $2500 and counting so it could be a nice prize. The site is www.dietbet.com if you want to check it out.


The four week period starts this coming Friday Jan 25th and ends Feb 21. I like it because 4% is not an insane amount, but it will require me to lose a nice handful of lbs per week. Tomorrow I will weigh in again for the purposes of the Diet Bet challenge but I'm not sure if I will officially update my weight tracker on this blog. I've been a bad poster because I keep saying I need to 'relose' the weight, go to a meeting, and then starting moving the number down again. But I can't live like that; I need to just get going. Here...I...Go!

interacting with my dreams

(the gold = food and my fat)

The above picture says it all, but since I'm hardly ever brief I will say that I really continued to junk everything in December- I let my precious (see the nerd theme just won't stop!) ActiveLink run out of juice, I stopped tracking altogether, I ignored your blogs, I quit checking Pinterest (shock and awe face), I ate and drank like I was in a contest, and I am now dealing with tighter jeans and general disappointment. 

So what is different today? Well, I took an extra day off so I'm home. Today I'll be able to shop/stock up and I've got a long walk planned for 2pm with a great friend. The Precious (ActiveLink) is charged up and already attached to my bosom. I tracked my breakfast (fage 0 w honey, packet of oatmeal, cup of coffee= 9 pts), and now I'm actually blogging. There. Big old sigh.

At some point over the last few weeks, a facebook friend posted something along the lines of   'In order to make your dreams come true you must interact with them daily'. Among the many (many) inspirational posts and ecards in my feed, that one really stuck with me. It's a goal that is relatively mild on a day-to-day basis but over time it adds up. Going way off the wagon over the past month has given me a new perspective- while I feel more than a little overwhelmed about the truths I need to face in the next few weeks (ie the scale and my fitness level), I feel like I can handle the daily interaction part. 

I'm off to see how you all held up over the last month, and I so appreciate anyone who checked in over here and sent good vibes my way. I'll be back to interact often.