I turned 39; Didn't Gain it all Back... A mid-2015 Check-in

So. On my 39th birthday (May 28)  I stepped on the scale for the first time in 2.5 months. Officially only up 6 which proves that I was exercising a little bit of restraint from time to time. Of course for my b'day weekend we went up to Solvang for wine tasting and indiscriminate carb eating. This past week at work I did not plan well and ate out too frequently. Long story short, I'm prooobably up a few more...and because I know that and I know myself I'm waiting until June 28th to weigh in again and then the plan is to weigh myself every 15 days through the end of the year.

Recap: since Jan 1, I'm holding onto a 14 lb loss. Since I started this blog a few years ago when I was at my personal maximum density, I'm down 20 lbs.

Goals: 10 lbs a month need to go.  I am turning 40 in roughly 355 days and I'm ready to live.

June is month 6 of 12 and it just started. I've procrastinated my whole damn life and this whole follow low carb, stick to it, and reap the benefits of better health, digestion, fitness, etc- well it's not too late for me to have a big old net loss by the end of the year. It's never too late- take a look at this guys success story if you have a minute. Visit Poonapalooza's page and check out her before and after shots, check out carbtripper or Kaki or scroll through the DietDoctor page for people who have made this lifestyle work.

Today Adam (husband), Kevin (brother), and I got on cruiser bikes and took a nice ride over to Hermosa. We got lunch and some beer, but also some sun and much-needed exercise. Kevin has been low carbing since the beginning of the year and is going on almost 70 lbs lost while Adam and I have been floundering. The (not) hilarious part is that we were the ones to 'sell' Kevin on keto/low carb after he was at first skeptical. The 300-400 lb experts have yet to fully adopt our own advice. That said, there's a 'readiness' in the air right now and I feel like Adam and I both are tired of the excess.

Here's to another Monday clean slate. Finding the strength to focus on right now while leaving past failures behind starts in your head not your mouth - and I came here tonight to start getting my head right. Thank you as always to anyone who is still reading; I appreciate it and cannot wait to share the joy of more success.

May 9th

21 days since my last post.

I keep eating sugar.

I didn't weigh in on May 1st.

Today I started my day with 2 eggs, bacon, and a coffee.

Today I will not eat sugar.

All I can do is keep going.

mug cakin' saturday

Twelve days in a row back to low carb; I feel much better than I did two weeks back. Pants are fitting, face slightly less round, self-confidence returning.

Still want to wait until May 1 to weigh in. I just don't want to see the scale show anything near 350 again...I will be in the 200s this summer; I will and I must and I'm not stopping. Meanwhile, because I didn't log my Friday food until after midnight last night, myfitnesspal took away my streak of days logged which is mildly annoying. 500 days for me could certainly be independent of mfp tracking, but I would like it to sync up. Whatever, myfitness 'pal'.

So oh yeah MORE IMPORTANTLY I am quite full on my very first mug cake. You probably all know craig of ruled.me- he's an ambitious fucker and clearly a great cook and I've been a fan and supporter of his keto blog for a long time. Craig is not the only blogger making mug cakes, but he's done like 20 varieties so I decided to try his original 2013 keto chocolate cake, this morning.

Before I describe the loss of my mug cake virginity,  full disclosure- I'm hung over. Adam and I had a low carb supper at my brother's place last night and then went to a local dive bar where the drinks are strong and the crowd is surly. I had red wine with dinner and one too many jack and diets later... and my head hurts. I had some coffee with hwc, took three advil, and I really wanted to take down a box of donuts, a coffee cake, or at least some damn toast this morning. Luckily, we don't have the shit in the house so I went looking up low carb breakfast treats. There's a lot out there, but most were too complex for me today.

The mug cake concept is self-explanatory, but just in case you've never seen a recipe, you mix melted butter, an egg, low carby flours (almond and coconut in the one today), and some kind of 'flavoring' in a mug and throw it in the microwave for 75 seconds and you have, well, a cake. You can scarf it right from the mug or turn it out on a plate. I've seen these for years and just never tried it.

Welp, guess what? It's pretty impressive. Feast your eyes!

It looks like actual cake, right? It is definitely much more dense than a cake, and even with special erithrytol and good cocoa powder, etc is also doesn't have that true, sweet chocolate cake taste. It does satisfy, though, and I'm not only NOT thinking about donuts anymore, I'm super legit full and there's still a hunk of the cake leftover. I may finish the rest on my own, but I would suggest splitting the recipe into two servings (or even more) if you're making one of the mug cakes as a 'dessert'. Mine was brunch so I'm fine eating the whole thing.

Anyway, I'm going to actually catch up on YOUR blogs now- if anyone happens to be reading this and would like to share your blog please comment and I'll add you to my sidebar. The lull of resolutions-gone-sour in March is over, people. Let's get back to it!

Update via declarative statements (aka Not Done Yet)

I had a good, solid thing going. I lost 20 lbs between Jan 2 and March 6th-ish and blogged about it.

On March 7th I went to Vegas and I partied and ate and drank with abandon.

The rest of March was not... good- a day of low carb, three days of random secret cookie eating, one day of half-hearted calorie-counting, two days of all-out binging. Meanwhile I was willfully ignoring the reality of not fitting into a pair of pants I wore in Vegas just THREE weeks later.

So today is day 8 of my renewed low carb streak. I'm back on myfitnesspal and I will get to 500 days. The arrows will hit center; I'm many things but generally I'm no slouch, and I'm definitely not done losing weight.

Currently I am determined to get through the month of April scale-less and report on May the 1st where my pounds are.

I turn 39 on May 28th; then a year to 40. I really, really, REALLY want to have a fun, exciting, big deal 40th Birthday. I want to leave the country, I want to dress up, and I want to feel comfortable in my skin. At north of 300 lbs I am sometimes literally too large for seats or rides and as confident as I feel with my loving, supportive husband and my good friends/family with me, there is just nothing that can make me 'forget' my weight in certain situations. The only person who can turn this around right now is me.

Thank you to anyone who comes back here and thinks good things for me. Those dates with no weights next to them are just killing me; I'm ashamed and I hate it. That said, I'd hate a whole lot more if I didn't own up to where I am today and work through it.

Happy Spring, my favorites!

8 Week Total Loss...and bonus Brad Pitt gif!

Apparently scrubbing grout really wore me out, and I just wasn't able to get to bloggin' or even standing on the scale last week. Just kidding. I've been supes busy. Plus, last week's period-bloaty feeling plus a champagne-y (but yes Very Low Carb) Valentines night dinner all led to me decide to take a hall pass on the scale. They used to let you do that at Weight Watchers; you still got on the scale but the lady would write down your number and then hand it to you in a velvet box with a padlock- or something. I know it's a little overdramatic, but I just didn't want my likely +1 on the scale to throw me off this past week.

So...wha'appened?

Down 3 more lbs. Not a herculean feat given it's been two weeks, but that brings me to a nice satisfying 20 Pounds Lost since January 2, 2015!! I'm also on day 58 of a very legitimate Myfitnesspal streak, which is well past 10% of my Myfitnesspal logging goal. 20 lbs is also nice chunk of the eleventy thousand lbs I want to eventually take off.

To celebrate my 20 lbs gone, I invite you to take in the wonderment of this product:

For a mere $483.50, you can buy a 'web mesh vest' with 20 extra lbs of rubberized faux fat so you and your genetically blessed friends can feel how awful it is to carry additional weight. I say spending about 28 dollars on post-Christmas, post-V-Day, or post-Easter CVS clearance candy and gaining the twenty on your own is way cheaper and much more educational, but then you wouldn't get that 'What's in the BOX??' carrying case.

Meanwhile...at this time a week from now, Adam and I will be driving onto the 15 heading North to that sweet sweet devil's playground- Las Vegas, Nevada.  I plan to stay at approximately 85% Very Low Carb, have a few cheat ITEMS (not days; not meals) and keep track of everything. I also want to take off five damn lbs this week so I can feel even more like a rock star than usual.  Have a great weekend; I'll be back a lot sooner this week.

Uncovering White Grout, and the 6 Week Weigh-in

I'm starting with the picture because I still can't believe that I scrubbed my whole kitchen/entryway floor on my 'Personal Day'. The above pic was about 1/4 of the way through- it took almost 4 hours and myfitness pal gave me, like, 1170 cardio calories for the job. The dark grout you see is not due to any weird shadows or trick of light; it's just straight up dirt and kitchen grime that I've mopped and swiffered over/around for seven years but never actually got down and cleaned. In case you're looking for household tips, I used a bottle of Barkeeper's Friend for one section but then ran out and made my own 'paste' out of baking soda and peroxide- you pour into the lines let it sit for a minute and then use grout brushes to go at it. Being on the floor is not super fun; getting up with your legs asleep and your back screaming is even less so. The most disgusting part was there were times I could smell the gross I was cleaning; even the baking powder wasn't masking it. Sooo...yeah.

Was it worth it? Yes.

Doing the floor is clearly a metaphor for where I am in my life with weight, weight loss, and honesty.  I can imagine that some people would be completely grossed out by the way our floor looked yesterday morning (and for the last 7 years); they would literally not be able to comprehend how another person could live with severely dirty kitchen tile grout. A different group (but I imagine there might be a decent overlap) might be similarly unable to grasp how I could allow myself to get to over 350 lbs. I understand those thoughts; I understand them because I have the same thoughts; however, for a long time I've allowed myself to ignore the obvious, tamp things down, and just be...okay with it.

Okay is a strong word because I obviously don't like being extremely overweight, but when it comes down to it if I'm not actively working to change the issue, I kind of have to be okay with it or I'll lie in bed crying all day, right?

Have friends walked into our apartment and said 'Wow I love your place!' even though there was baked-on-caked-on kitchen shit just under their flip flops? Um, yes.

Have people complimented a 350-ish lb version of me and said I looked nice or pretty or good and have I believed them? Actually, yes. Yes, I have. 

The point, I guess, is that I've always liked and respected myself. I also love the home and the life I have with my husband; dirty corners and grout lines be damned. However, I don't want to 'just be okay' with certain things anymore; I want to live fully and uncover what's underneath.

This past week had its ups and downs. Highlights include the first three workouts on our new Nordictrack Freestrider, and lowlights include the weeknight drinking I'd promised not to do.

I waited an extra day to weigh-in and partially thanks to the floor scrubbin' I'm down 2 more lbs as of this morning. Three weeks until Adam and I go on our 5th Anniversary trip to Las Vegas. I can't WAIT.

In two weeks I will post progress pics. Here's to a great week and Happy Valentine's Day!!

5 Weeks into 2015. Down 15 Pounds

35 days in a row logged on myfitnesspal. Weekly Friday AM weigh-ins. A big promise kept; little promises broken. The big one is that I'm low carbing and tracking in 2015- the little ones thus far are about exercising and cutting calories/alcohol. I'm losing weight but I'm losing slowly because I'm still living luxuriously which is not super cool for someone well north of 300 lbs. Plenty of good wine and good cheeses are consumed- and now I'm hooked on Quest 'protein' bars- they're low carb, convenient, high fiber, and delicious. January and February are the two busiest months at work so I've allowed myself some conveniences, but it's time to return to whole foods and 'clean' keto.

I know what I have to do but meanwhile I want to acknowledge and celebrate the fact that I am losing weight:

Dropping 15 pounds allowed me to fit back into jeans I took out of the rotation circa Thanksgiving.

Losing 15 gives me a healthier, less puffy face.

Being 15 lbs less than I was on January 2 lets me breathe a huge sigh of relief-I'm capable, I'm doing this. I'm not stopping.

15 lbs is 10% of 150 lbs.

Today is February 6th and I see the entire year rolling out before me. I look forward to every low-carb snack logged, every steak I cut into, every cup of bullet proof coffee, every Friday morning weigh-in, every milestone, every pair of jeans that buttons for the first time in years, every slightly less ominous squeak of the seat of my cruiser bike, and every damn morning.

It's already a good year and it's only getting better.

Have a lovely weekend.